Birthplace of Rock N Roll

...Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. ...A five day vacation requires only one suitcase. ...You can open all your own jars. ...A beer gut doesn't make you invisible to the opposite sex. ...Guys in hockey masks don't attack you. ...You can go to the bathroom without a support group. ...You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes. ...Your underwear is $10 for a three pack. ...You don't have to shave below your neck. ...Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe. ...One mood, all the time!

Only a true Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, that you don’t “HAVE” them…you “PITCH” them. Only a true Southerner knows exactly how long “directly” is…as in: “Going to town, be back directly.” Only true Southerners say ‘sweet tea’ and ‘sweet milk.’ Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar…and lots of it…in our tea. We do not like un-sweetened tea! ‘Sweet Milk’ means you don’t want buttermilk. Only a true Southerner knows and understands the difference between a redneck, a good ‘ol boy, and po’ white trash. A true Southerner knows that if you’re with a couple of friends, you could be with 2 or 10. The number doesn’t matter. All true Southerners, even babies, know that “Gimme some sugar” is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table. True Southerners know that "y'all" is always plural. It should never be used in reference to only one person. Only a true Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, or beans makes up ‘a mess.’ Put 100 true Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they’re related, even if only by marriage. A true Southerner knows you don’t scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 mile per hour on the interstate. You just say, “Bless her heart,” and go your own way. Only a true Southerner knows that the term “booger” can be a resident of the nose; a descriptive – as in ‘that ol’ booger’; a first name; or something that jumps out at you in the dark and scares you senseless. Only true Southerners know that “just down the road” can be one mile, or twenty. No true Southerner would ever assume that a car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn. Only a true Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of ‘yonder.’ And finally…Only a true Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who’s got trouble is a plate of hot fired chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. (And if the neighbor’s trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin’!)

HISTORICAL ACCEPTANCE OF THE "F" WORD There are only ten times in history that the "F" word has been acceptable... 10. "What the @#$% was that" - Mayor of Hiroshima, 1945 9. "Where did all those @#$%ing Indians come from?" - Custer, 1876 8. "Any @#$%ing idiot could understand that." - Einstein, 1938 7. "It does so @#$%ing look like her!" - Picasso, 1926 6. "How the @#$% did you work that out?" - Pythagoras, 126 BC 5. "You want WHAT on the @#$%ing ceiling?" - Michelangelo, 1566 4. "Where the @#$% are we?" - Amelia Earhart, 1937 3. "Scattered @#$%ing showers, my ass!" - Noah, 4314 BC 2. "Aw c'mon, who the @#$% is gonna find out?" - Bill Clinton, 1999 1. "Geez, I didn't think they'd get this @#$%ing mad." - Osama bin Laden, 2001

Name:______________________ Gang:__________________________ 1) Johnny has an AK-47 with a 40-round clip. If he misses 6 out 0f 10 shots, and he shoots 13 times at each drive-by shooting, how many drive-by shootings can he attend before he has to reload? 2) Jose has two ounces of cocaine and he sells an 8-ball to Jackson for $320 and two grams to Willie for $85 per gram. What is the value of the balance of the cocaine if he doesn't cut it? 3) Rufus is pimping for three girls. If the price is $65 for each trick, how many tricks will each hooker have to turn so Rufus can pay for his $800 per day crack habit? 4) Jerome wants to cut his 1/2 pound of heroin to make 20% more profit. How many ounces of cut will he need? 5) Willis gets $200 for stealing a BMW, $50 for a Chevy and $100 for a 4X4. If he's already stolen 2 BMW's and three 4X4's, how many Chevy's will he have to steal to make $800? 6) Raoul is in prison for six years for murder. He got $10,000 for the hit. If his common law wife is spending $100 per month, how much money will be left when he gets out of jail, and how many years will he get for killing the b***h that spent the money? 7) If the average can of spray paint covers 22 square feet and the average letter is 8 square feet, how many letters can a tagger spray with three cans of paint? 8) Hector knocked up six girls in his gang. There are 27 girls in the gang. What percentage of the girls in the gang has Hector knocked up? 9) Thelma can cook dinner for her 16 children for $7.50 per night. She gets $234 a month welfare for each child. If her $325 per month rent goes up 15%, how many more children should she have to keep up with her expenses? 10) Salvador was arrested for dealing crack and his bail was set at $25,000. If he pays a bail bondsman 12% and returns to Mexico, how much money will he lose by jumping bail?

We always hear "the rules" for the feminine side. Ok - we are now going to hear the rules from the man's side. These are our rules! Please note these are all numbered "1" on purpose. 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. 1. Sunday equals sports. It’s like the full moon. Let it be. 1. Crying is blackmail. 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work…Strong hints do not work…Obvious hints do not work…Just say what you want! 1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. 1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. 1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days. 1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. 1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Please just don’t ask us. 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. 1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done, not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. 1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.. 1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we. 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. 1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear. 1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation or NASCAR. 1. You have enough clothes. 1. You have too many shoes.

The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all you have to do is open your mouth and your life is forfeit. This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend or significant other! DANGEROUS: What's for dinner? SAFER: Can I help you with dinner? SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner? ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that? SAFER: Wow, you look good in brown. SAFEST: WOW! Look at you! ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about? SAFER: Could we be overreacting? SAFEST: Here's my paycheck. ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that? SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left. SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that? ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate DANGEROUS: What did you do all day? SAFER: I hope you didn't over-do it today. SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe! ULTRA SAFE: Have some more chocolate.

On a blanket from Taiwan: “NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.” On a helmet-mounted mirror used by U.S. cyclists: “REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.” On a Marks and Spencer’s bread and butter pudding: “WARNING: PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING.” On an Australian-made clothes iron: “WARNING: NEVER IRON CLOTHES ON THE BODY.” On a pack of Sainsbury’s salted peanuts: “WARNING: CONTAINS NUTS.”

Although often debunked as a myth, The Morning Crew Drano Test is designed to determine the gender (not species, sorry) of an unborn child after the fourth month of pregnancy. ITEMS YOU WILL NEED FOR THE Drano TEST: - Approximately 2 tablespoons of CRYSTAL Drano - Medium glass or glass jar (preferably one you don't intend to use again) STEP 1 You will need a urine sample of about two to three ounces. How this urine sample is procurred is up to the participants. Have fun with it, be creative, we don't care, just don't injure anybody. The urine sample must be fresh - preferably the first of the morning. STEP 2 Take the test materials outside. With the Drano in the glass or jar, carefully pour the urine sample on top of the Drano. You will want to have about equal amounts of urine and Drano. STEP 3 Observe. If the concoction you now posess darkens to a brownish color within the first 10 seconds, IT'S A BOY! If it just sits there for more than 10-15 seconds, IT'S A GIRL. In either case, IT'S GOING TO SMELL REALLY BAD, AND YOU'LL WANT TO HOSE IT DOWN FAIRLY QUICKLY!

Q: How long have the guys been together? A: Bryan joined the Morning Crew in 2000, Tom in 2001, and Andy came on board in 2002. Q: What is Ladies' Day? A: Every Wednesday, the guys dedicate the show to the female listeners with contests, requests and special topics. Q: Can I listen to the Pine Belt's "Big Show" online? A: Sort of. We don't stream online, but there is a way to listen to The Morning Crew Radio Show (as well as ROCK 104) through your computer. All you need is to buy a product called "Alert FM." It's a USB radio receiver that alerts you to emergencies as well as allowing you to listen to ROCK 104 through your computer. Pretty neat. To find out more and purchase one, check out their web site: www.alertfm.com Q: How can I get a Morning Crew CD? A: Really? You want one? Believe it or not, there are now five "Best of" CDs in circulation. They are available for $10.00 with profits benefitting Pine Belt charities. You can pick up CDs by going to The 104 Store, drop by any Morning Crew appearance or e-mail the guys for more info: morningcrew@rock104fm.com Q: Can I get a Shirley Q. Liquor CD? A: Yes, they are available from Shirley Q's website: shirleyqliquor.com Q: When can I hear Shirley Q? A: She airs three times each weekday morning; 6:15, 7:55 and 9:55. Q: How can I get a birthday announced? A: We don't set aside a certain time for birthdays and anniversaries, but if you let us know, we'll be happy to announce them as time allows. Who knows, you might even get a special greeting from Mr. McSnickens, the birthday ferret! Q: Do you guys use your "real names?" A: No, Bryan's real name is Lamar...Andy makes public appearances under the moniker of Velton...and Tom's real name is, in fact, Andy Webb. Go figure. Q: When does Ben Willoughby have his "Outdoor Report" segment? A: We chat with Ben every weekday morning between 7:45 and 8:00. Q: How can I get in touch with Ben Willoughby? A: Call him. He's in the book. Q: How often can I win free stuff? A: We ask that you wait 30 days, unless otherwise noted. That way everyone gets a chance to win! Q: What is "The Gig Guide," and when does it air? A: It's our small attempt to help local bands get the word out on where and when they're playing. We also highlight national acts that have dates within driving distance of the Hattiesburg area. The Gig Guide airs each weekday morning at 9:50. You can also check it out online by clicking on the link to the left. Wanna get your band mentioned? E-mail the info to us at morningcrew@rock104fm.com Q: Are you guys available for speaking engagements? A: Yeah...sure. Just make sure you have food. Q: How did you guys get your own show? A: Poor judgement call by management.