From Eastabuchie on, truck drivin' legend Ray Wallbanger phones in from the road. We're never exactly sure when or where, so just know you've been warned.

While technically not an employee, our Commander-In-Chief checks in from the Oval Office with his weekly briefing. And who's not gonna take a call from the President?

The Blakeney Communications Compound's overnight security guard and also master of the "get rich quick" scheme.